Jade Cutters' Lament

from a Hokitika newspaper clipping

And so it came to pass that the two wise men stumbled onto the Jade boulder in a place called Olderog Creek. They gazed in wonder at the stone for verily it was indeed 'Jade' the Stone of Heaven. They knew this because the word Jade was stamped upon the side and they were indeed overjoyed because this meant that they would be able to drink more beer than they could usually afford.

The time came to pass when a jeweller by the name of Silver was taken to the boulder, It was fitting that he should be a jeweller with such a name. He too was overjoyed and he spoke of a drill which could cut the stone into many pieces.

Very soon a Machine with many wings brought in the drill which the men assembled and began to cut the stone. Alas the drill was very slow and the men called on the Lord many times to hasten the speed of the drill. Alas the words they used were not to the Lord's liking and the drill cut even slower. Many cans of beer were consumed before the stone was finally cut and flown out by the great noisy bird with many wings.

So ends the first reading.

Eventually the men purchased a saw with no teeth. They had never seen such a saw that could cut with no teeth and were in awe of the cleverness of man having invented such a machine. The idea came about after the inventors visited a local rest home.

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